Your lover is an alien? Check with this Yu-tan radar

Mar 2, 2007 00:17

One of the joys of Akiba cruise is finding something. Something nobody can figure out what. Sometimes, even the shop owner does not know what actually he is selling.

"Oh, that one. I found it in the corner of my storehouse. Former owner failed to remove it when I bought his business. Don't know what. Just give me a 100 yen coin, it's yours!"

SolidAlliance's Yu-tan Radar Strap UTST. The best gear to build an SNS with illegal space aliens.

After a hundred hours worth of Internet search and much Googling and Yahooing, finally I found what it was: Drive mechanism of magnetic tape deck, which belonged to IBM System/360 mainframe computer (circa 1960/70). Almost an industrial museum piece. Yours truly himself FORTRANed and COBOLed a lot on the very System/360, but he never had a chance to peep into the metal enclosure of its massive magnetic tape deck .

Oh, the thing was very useful. I used it constantly as a paper weight, though it was a little bit overweight. And whenever my daughter prepared preserved veggies, she borrowed it to set on top of the barrel. Compact and heavy, it worked far better than a regular rock weight did, she claimed.

Quite a few very useful/useless (depends on one's opinion) gadgets are being sold everyday all over Akihabara. The digital equivalent of snake oil, tiger bone powder or rhinoceros horn. Don't worry, Akiba tradesmen never push you to buy these things. High-pressure sales tactics are never heard of. So, you purchase it completely at your risk, account and skill (or lack of it). And when your shopping turns out to be a total lemon, you simply laugh away heartily.

Joke and sometimes non-joke goods manufacturer SolidAlliance Corp. of Yokohama has been selling this kind of very questionable gear for some time. Yu-tan Radar Strap, UTST.

Please don't misunderstand the word "questionable". UTST is, actually, very decent and useful as a strap for your mobile phone, iPod or PDA, or for your pet Chihuahua. This function of UTST as a gear strap has impeccable reputation.

But, Yu-tan Radar Strap has two other functions incorporated into it. The first: UFO detector. The second: Illegal alien sniffer... no, I made a mistake. Finder of aliens who are not originated from terra. Yes, space aliens!

I found it, I found it! (SolidAlliance says this is a simulated image.)

SolidAlliance's in-house physicist(?) explained about the theory underlying UTST detector at great length:

"It is a well-known fact that whenever a UFO appeared, a kind of spacial distortion had been observed around the subject area. UTST's precision time-axis sensor dilligently watches the flow of time (what happened to the space?), and detects the temporal irregularity/noise most accurately. In short, Yu-tan USTS detects the minute alteration of space (wow, suddenly back to space again! What happened to the time-axis?) that accompanies the appearance of a UFO."

Anyway, when Yu-tan detects the existence of UFO, its red LED revolves quickly and beeps loudly. You never miss the sign (if ever, of course).

Heart of Yu-tan UTST. This simple coil detects UFOs and aliens. Believe it or leave it.

Next: space alien sniffer.

"Inner structures of a homo and an alien differ greatly, it's common knowledge. Therefore, Yu-tan remotely measures the electric resistance value of body in question, and tells whether the object is a disguised space alien or a homo sapiens. (oh, it's too easy!)"

If your loved one turned out to be a fiendish space alien, Yu-tan's LED would blink and beep in full volume. You might not have enough time to escape before the alien who hijacked your lover's body gobbles you up whole.

There are three color variations of Yu-tans available: Gun-metal, silver and orange. This extraordinary para-scientific equipment costs just 2,222 yen (US$18). You sure no UFOs or aliens in your locale? In that case, regard this Yutan UTST as a simple overpriced strap!

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